The theory of eternal return
What a beautiful sculpture Ana gave me! The ouroboros, the dragon that swallows its own tail. This is the symbol of the eternal return, the theory that says that the universe and all beings that exist, or have existed, will reoccur in a similar way an infinite number of times throughout time and space. It also says that people are also destined to keep repeating the same acts indefinitely, encountering all pain and pleasure more than once in this life, and all in the same order and sequence. All this is described in the books by Nietzsche that Ana loves.
The ancient Indians and Egyptians also believed in the law of eternal return. To tell the truth, I believe in it too. I think this is the script of my life, like in that movie about the groundhog, always repeating the same story. But I didn't always see it that way. When I met Ana, I had come out of a completely failed marriage, where there had been no love, no respect and no desire to be together for a long time. When Ana came along, it was like a breath of fresh air, everything was new. I discovered what it was like to love a woman! We both lost our minds and went off in search of a lifestyle that could accommodate both of us working, the distance between us and the children. Everything had changed in my life, and I had been given a second chance at happiness. This time, I was sure, everything would work out.
But my new relationship, once again, couldn't withstand the practicalities of life: Sophie was jealous of Ana, the two of us couldn't find a way to reduce the distance between us, the plane tickets were too expensive, my ex did what he could to make things difficult and communication with Ana was difficult. Ana said that I didn't take the initiative to change things, that I just waited for solutions to fall into my lap. Before long, the muteness and closed faces began. First the honeymoon ended, and then the passion. That's when I messed things up.
When Ana found out she'd been cheated on, she disappeared into the dust. It didn't take long for me to realize that I had missed the big chance of my life, because I never met another person I could fall in love with in the same way. Seven years later, the wheel of fate turned and we met again. We had matured and knew what difficulties awaited us. I decided that everyday difficulties would no longer be a problem, and I started hiding my problems from her. She ended up accusing me of running away from dialogue, of not having anyone to share the good and bad times with. She said that what we were living was a fiction, and she left again, in search of someone with whom she could share real life.
Is this image of the dragon accompanied by a note a sign that the wheel of fate has completed another turn? When Ana comes to France, she always stays at the same place, the Hotel Saint-Louis in the Marais. I'm going to meet her there now. Life always gives us another chance, and I should have gotten used to that by now. Why despair and make concessions every time Ana has a crisis? I am the way I am, and that's that. One day she'll have to accept me! Before that, let me put on my best look to enter the third cycle of our story on the right foot. "Amor fati"! If this is our destiny, let it be lived with joy and pleasure.
"How? Are you sure? Please check the hotel guest list again. She always stays here. Has she checked out? Just now? But it's not possible, I was sure she was waiting for me! She left me a note to come and meet her. Well, it wasn't exactly a note, but almost... Anyway, thanks for the information." When I meet you next time, Ana, I'll have to explain to you how this theory of return works. But for now, we'll have to wait until the wheel has completed its fourth turn.
Voltar